Over
the years I have observed a number of Christian homeschooling families who
seemingly did all the right things in raising their children, yet their
children still walked away from the faith of their parents once they were
able to make their own decisions. As a young parent myself, I definitely
don’t want to go through all the trouble of training my children in the way
they should go, only to find them turning around to head in the opposite
direction.
In explaining why their children have rebelled, many have refused to admit
that they did anything (at least anything specific) wrong as parents. They
say that their children were trained right but chose of their own free will
to be disobedient. “After all,” they say, “God is the best parent in the
universe, and His children went astray!”
I don’t wish to diminish in any way the responsibility of every child to be obedient and continue in the truth they have learned. I realize that we all make choices, good and bad, which alter the course of our lives. I also understand that many youngsters learn how to look religious and say all of the right things, but have never had a regenerated heart. However, I do want to share some fatal flaws that I have detected in many of these parents, which I believe contributed greatly to the breakdown of morals in the lives of their children.
They Refused To Say “Yes” To God
As we begin traveling on the path of the righteous, God progressively asks
us to submit every area of our lives to His Lordship. For many families God
asks them to homeschool. They have to die to themselves and be willing to
submit their will to His. Soon they begin to experience the freedom that
comes from surrender and are happy they made the choice. Then God asks
them to give up something else, or asks them to join Him in a certain work.
If they are really certain that it was God who required this sacrifice
(not just their own reasoning), but yet they refuse to let go, it almost
always leads to their children rebelling against God and their parents.
“A disciple is not above
his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his
teacher.” (Luke 6:40, NKJV)
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They Allowed Their Children To Have Fools As Companions
If a child is allowed to spend large segments of time around bad influences,
they travel the path of disobedience and rebellion. I don’t believe I have
ever seen an exception to this rule.
“He who walks with wise men will
be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (Prov. 13:20, NKJV)
They Refused To Discipline Their Children
Often parents say, even after their children have run away from home and are
living on the streets, “I love my children too much to spank them.” Often
because of a bad experience they had as a child with abuse or improper
discipline, they choose to ignore God’s Word and believe a lie that it is
loving to avoid spanking their children. Yet God, Who is always true and
cannot lie, says, “He who
spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him
promptly.” (Prov. 13:24, NKJV)
Refusing to spank a child is one of the surest ways to send him or her to
hell.
They Disciplined Their Children Inconsistently Or In Anger
Many parents were not raised in Godly homes themselves, where loving,
consistent, predictable discipline was implemented. Far too many parents
struggle with understanding the right way to apply the rod to their child.
When spanking is done in anger, in excess, or simply to execute wrath on
the child, it leads to a heart of rebellion in the child.
“So then, my beloved
brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for
the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20,
NKJV) Godly discipline
WILL NOT result in children resenting or hating their parents. Rather, they
will thank God for parents who loved them enough to correct them. If you
don’t know how to apply Biblical discipline correctly, or if you have an
anger problem, please seek help. Gain wise advice and Godly counsel from
older brothers or sisters in the Lord. It is very important.
They Refused To Demonstrate Love Or They Belittled And Verbally Berated
Their Children
Very few parents understand the awesome power of their words.
“But I say to you that for every
idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of
judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you
will be condemned.” (Matt 12:36-37, NKJV)
Part of the dominion mandate God gave to Adam in Genesis was to name the
animals. Adam even named his wife. In the Old Testament, parents seemed to
have an almost prophetic ability to predict or determine the child’s
behavior and lifestyle by the name they were given. Examples are Abram,
Jacob, Jabez, etc. Children tended to become what they were named.
I believe this is still the case today. I don’t mean that if you are named
“Bill” or “Suzy,” that you will become what your birth name means.
However, as parents, we “name” our children everyday. We tell them who
they are. “You are such a pain! Why can’t you do anything right? I’m sick
and tired of dealing with you!”
These comments are lodged deep into the heart of a child and shape who they become. A refusal to speak and demonstrate love and affection leads to a distant, cold and often resentful relationship. That is why it is so vital to speak words of truth and healing into your child’s life. “Be careful. Don’t think these little children are worth nothing. I tell you that they have angels in heaven who are always with my Father in heaven.” (Matt. 18:10, NCV)
I constantly tell our children things such as, “You are a blessing! We love
you. Jesus loves you. You are special to us. I am very pleased with you.” It
is wonderful to watch them become the true things my wife and I speak into
their lives.
They Love The World
Some people claim to be Christians and yet are enamored by the world and
things of the world. They are fed by a secular pop culture a steady diet of
worldly movies, worldly music, worldly games and activities, worldly reading
material, worldly heroes and idols, etc. Children who are engrossed in the
things of the world will not love God. You can’t love the Creator and the
cosmos at the same time.
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man
love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the
world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of
life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away,
and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.”
(1 John 2:15-17, KJV)
They Gave Their Children Freedom Too Early
There is a time and place for letting go. There comes a time when
parents need to let their children stand on their own two feet.
However, this is not at the ripe old age of 14. Often when teens are allowed
to work outside the home, spend time away from home, or make too many
important decisions before they are truly prepared, it instills in them an
independent spirit that wants to be away from the family all the time. They
begin to think of themselves as adults, or as equal with their parents, and
they reject parental authority. Don’t let go too early!
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven.” (Ecc. 3:1, NIV)
Israel Wayne was home educated and currently serves as Marketing Director
for the national publication Home School Digest. He is the author of the
book, Homeschooling From A Biblical Worldview, published by Wisdom’s Gate,
and site editor for www.ChristianWorldview.net
Israel and his wife Brook (also a homeschool graduate) and reside in
Michigan with their two young children. Write to: Wisdom’s Gate, P.O. Box
374, Covert, MI 49043. 1-800-343-1943,
www.homeschooldigest.com
This article is continued in Part II
