They Were Hypocrites, Holding Up A Standard They Refused To Live By
Some parents care only about their image and reputation.
They lack proper character, so they try to compensate for that by having
a good veneer of religiosity. Children see this as it truly is,
repulsive and disgusting. They reject the faith that their parents
supposedly embrace because they see that the life of Christ isn’t real
in the private lives of mom and dad. If you are a hypocrite, the best
you can hope for is for your children to emulate your hypocrisy. More
likely, though, they will be more honest than you and will be blatantly
and openly rebellious.
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it
says.” (James 1:22, NIV)
They Were
Legalistic (Strictly Adhering To Laws That Aren’t Biblical Laws)
We must obey every word that proceeds from God’s mouth. We must do
everything He commands. However, some parents have created a litany of
pharisaical rules, guidelines and principles that are not Biblically based.
We want our children to understand what God is like and walk in the
Spirit, emulating God’s nature and character. But we must be careful that we
don’t cross a line into judging others or thinking of ourselves highly
because we follow a bunch of self-made rules. For example, a man once told
me that his little boy blurted out in a restaurant, “Daddy, those people
over there don’t love Jesus!” When asked how he could be so sure, he
confidently replied, “They are eating white bread, not whole wheat.”
Admittedly, wheat is healthier than white when it comes to bread, but if
children grow up confused about what is essential to the faith and what
isn’t they may assume that all of their parents’ beliefs are based on
personal preference, not on a Biblical absolute.
“How terrible it will be for you,
scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! For you give a tenth of your mint,
dill, and cummin, but have neglected the more important matters of the Law:
justice, mercy, and faithfulness. These are the things you should have
practiced, without neglecting the others. You blind guides! You filter out a
gnat, yet swallow a camel!” (Matt. 23:23-24, ISV)
They Had Other
Priorities Above Their Family
“For where your
treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matt. 6:21, NKJV)
Children know what we value. When we spend our time and energy
pursuing our career, our golf game, our friends, or our own comfort and
pleasure to the exclusion of our children, they are pained by the rejection.
Even if we are home everyday, our hearts can be far from our children.
We can be busy chatting with friends online, reading a book, or simply
caught up in our own plans or routine.
“But if anyone does not provide
for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the
faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Tim. 5:8, NKJV)
Yes, we need to provide for the physical needs of our family, but much more
we must provide for their spiritual needs.
They Never
Repented Of Dishonoring Their Own Parents
I have been noticing lately what appears to be a kind of law of the
universe. In every case where I have seen a man or woman who rebelled
against their parents when they were young, unless they repent and try to
reconcile with their parents, their children rebel and repeat the cycle.
The only thing that seems to deter this process is a parent who grieves
over the sin of their youth and intercedes in prayer on behalf of their
own children so they will not repeat the same sins.
“The eye that mocks his father,
And scorns obedience to his mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it
out, And the young eagles will eat it.” (Prov. 30:17, NKJV)
They Failed To Equip Their Children With A Biblical Worldview
Children don’t acquire a fear of the Lord, or a proper understanding of life
by osmosis. “Come, you
children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.” (Psalms
34:11, NKJV) Do you know
that you can teach your children the fear of the Lord? You do this by the
example of your life. Parents must emphasize Godly character and teach their
children to put on the mind of Christ. We must learn to think as He does. If
a child has a secular philosophy of life, they will eventually live out the
beliefs they hold in their heart.
Sometimes it is hard to know what your children really believe,
especially if they are complacent compliant types. They may not be
outwardly rebelling or rejecting your instructions, but inside they may be
quietly denouncing everything you believe in. You need a catalyst or a tool
to pry the sealed lid off of the container of beliefs your child is keeping
bottled up. You can and should institute systematic teaching and training,
but you need to get feedback. Keep an open relational dialogue going with
your children. My article “Worldview Test” (V12#1 of HSD) may provide some
good discussion starters that will help you know what your children really
believe. Look for opportunities to draw out your children. Do they express
the same opinions and beliefs when talking with their friends as they do in
discussions with you? Are they consistent in their views or do they merely
say what they think you want to hear?
You want to really get to know the heart of your child. If you discover
unexpected rebellion in your child, by all means take it seriously. Thank
God that He was kind enough to let you see it so that you can pray and begin
to deal with the problem.
Parenting By The Spirit, Not By Rules
A friend mentioned to me recently that children loved Jesus. They clamored to be around Him. What was it about His character and demeanor that attracted them? Are our children drawn to us in that same way? If not, it is possible that we do not have the light of our Savior shining though our lives. Perhaps we don’t have that same open, loving attitude that He did. The more we are like Jesus, the more our children will want to be around us and follow us.
Is It Too Late?
For the parent who has a wayward child who has left home and has wandered
from the faith, you may wonder, “Is there any hope at this point? What
can be done to change their hearts?” I need to confess that I am
woefully unequipped to answer those questions. I do know that God has it in
His heart to forgive prodigals when they come to themselves and return in
repentance. I know that we must pray that God will do what it takes to
break their stubborn will. Praying that prayer may result in incredible
pain and suffering for them in this life, but in eternity it could be the
difference between heaven and hell.
There are many other writers who have produced materials, better than I can
write on dealing with rebellion in children. I would recommend investing in
these teaching resources and carefully considering anything the Lord would
speak to your heart related to this matter.
We don’t have unconditional guarantees of success as parents. We can’t
assume that our children will automatically choose the right path. But
we should not be fatalistic either, and assume that the enemy is stronger
than our Savior. We have great and precious promises in God’s Word and we
should cling to them with everything we have in us. By the grace of God, we
will be united with all of our children in God’s Heavenly Kingdom.
“I have no greater joy than
to hear that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 1:4, KJV)
Israel Wayne was home educated and currently serves as
Marketing Director for the national publication Home School Digest. He is
the author of the book, Homeschooling From A Biblical Worldview, published
by Wisdom’s Gate, and site editor for
www.ChristianWorldview.net
Israel and his wife Brook (also a homeschool graduate) and reside in
Michigan with their two young children. Write to: Wisdom’s Gate, P.O. Box
374, Covert, MI 49043. 1-800-343-1943, www.homeschooldigest.com
