By Brandi Schunk
As I was cleaning the kitchen sink this morning, I found myself reflecting on a habit I started a few years ago. It was unintentional in the beginning, but, as I realized what I had been doing, and the power and momentum and aliveness it was creating, I decided to make it more of an intentional habit, to give it attention and priority, and watch it grow fruit in my life. That habit was the daily practice of doing one small extra project around the house each day.
One small thing out of the ordinary to lift up the level of cleanliness, orderliness, and peacefulness in my home. One day it was to wipe off the wall sconce lamplights next to my bathroom sink that had been accumulating dust for well over a year. One day it was to clean the cobwebs from around the ceiling when I vacuumed the house. Sometimes it is to clean the kitchen sink area, including the back splash, some days maybe even the windowsill over the kitchen sink. One day it may be to file those papers that have been accumulating, or wash that spot off the wall that has been there for months. It didn’t really matter what the project was, it was something small and doable that made a difference for me, and I was getting things done and felt cheerful about it.
My ADHD brain appreciated the novelty of this, the spontaneity. It generally was not planned ahead, was not written on my exhaustive mental or physical to-do list. Sometimes it was something that had been bothering me for months, silently chipping away at my energy and self-esteem as it mocked me with its simplicity that somehow
eluded attention to completion. Sometimes it was something I had just happened to notice and decided to nip it in the bud before it gained any power over me.
The point was not what I did, or how big the project was, or if anyone else noticed. The point was, I was acting on a deeply held conviction that we are to be good stewards of all that we have been given. I believe this is biblical in basis and rewarding in practice.
When we take care of what we are given, the bible tells us we will be given more. When we take care of what we have, we appreciate it more, it is healthier and in better condition, we value it more, we enjoy it more, it lasts longer.
I believe this is true in all areas of our lives, not just housekeeping.
Many years ago, our marriage coach suggested a simple ingredient for a healthy marriage. Intentional time. Spend at least 10 minutes a day intentionally connecting with your spouse in conversation. Spend at least one hour each week intentionally dating your spouse, building relationship and doing something enjoyable and outside of the norm together. Spend at least one night away each month, together, removing yourselves from the daily pace of life and creating a special space to unwind and explore together, to go out and do something fun away from your normal environment.
The point is, to be intentional, to steward well that which you have, to place value on and show value to what matters to you by the time you spend intentionally building that thing.
What does this look like in our spiritual practice? Spending time each day connecting with our Source, our Creator, in conversation, in prayer, in reading, in quiet meditation on His Word. Spending time each week going deeper, journaling, studying, expanding
our understanding of the one who made us and loves us. Spending time each month getting away, alone, as Jesus did from time to time, away from the noise and distraction of daily life to slow down, to quiet down, to deeply connect in praise and appreciation, as well as in asking for help in areas that matter to us, and to Him, to refresh ourselves in His Spirit.
What does this look like with our children? Give them our undivided attention each day, in ways that matter to them. Be willing to put down the phone or computer and make eye contact and really look at them and celebrate and get involved with what they want to share with you, when they want to share it (their Lego or Play-Doh creation, the bug they found, a new dance move they came up with, their handwriting, the fun time they had out with their friends, their troubling problems in a relationship, etc.). We won’t always be able to stop what we are doing completely but doing what we can do to show them they matter, we care, and value them, and we want that connection with them, and for them to have that connection with us, that makes a difference.
Once a week make special time just for that kid. Maybe it’s a walk around the block after lunch or dinner, some time reading a book or doing a small project together, going out to the yard to blow bubbles, build a snowman, or chase butterflies. Whatever fills their cup. And ask them what that is. What do they want from you each day to feel loved? Make sure you do that thing as much as possible. They may surprise you with the simplicity of their answers.
And once a month, get away and do something special, alone, with each of your children. Maybe you take them to a movie, or lunch, or out for a donut, or a trip to the pond, or their favorite store, or a walk in the woods or a trip to the park. Maybe you make time to help them with that special project they have been asking about, or
redoing their room the way they want. Something meaningful. Just the two of you.
I realize that with multiple kids this can be challenging, but I encourage you to prayerfully find a way to pour into your family this way. I believe it will reap dividends. Joy in your heart. Joy in your child’s heart. Joy in God’s heart. Deeper relationship.
Deeper appreciation. Lower stress and anxiety. Better performance, for you and for them. And a feeling of belonging, for each of you. You see, living life with intentionality takes time, it takes focus, it takes giving thought and consideration to how we spend our time, our days, our money, our resources, our lives. And sometimes it may feel impossible, difficult, or challenging, but the rewards are countless when we persevere.
So, I invite you, today, what is one small, doable step you can take to live your life with intentionality? Now, go do that thing, with joy in your heart.
(Side note: not all actions towards intentional living and showing love will be received with the same gratitude and appreciation that our hearts may long for in return. I urge you to move forward in ways that you can extend your offering with an open hand,
finding the joy in knowing that you did what you felt was most right and not needing anything in return for your efforts.)
(Additional note: some relationships are abusive in nature, and no matter how much you give, it will never be enough. If you find yourself in a confusing or painful situation, I urge you to seek help from a counselor experienced in trauma and abuse, or your local
domestic violence shelter or resource center. Even when abuse is not physical, it still takes its toll. Everyone deserves to feel and be safe.)
Brandi Schunk is a Maine homeschooling mama of two.